My Outlet

If you didn’t know, this blog was originally created for one of my strategic communication classes, Media Strategies and Techniques for Public Relations (WSU COMSTRAT383).

At the beginning of 2020, even before the semester started, I created a personal blog where my first post was a list of my new year's resolutions. That blog was more for me as an outlet to write about what was currently going on in my life. In contrast, I share in this blog certain experiences that are meant to inspire my readers. I liked the idea of this blog better because the purpose is to share my wisdom and give inspiration. That’s all I aspire to be in life, a role model, and each of these blog posts is a step further down that path. `

Unlike most of my classmates who chose a certain hobby or interest for their blog focus, I chose to write about myself. I was nervous in the beginning, because I felt like that made me seem conceited or self-centered, which is not at all who I want to be. I like to frequently reflect and evaluate my life -- how it correlates with what’s currently going on and who I am. It’s refreshing for me to be able to let out my thoughts and emotions, putting them into words and in the process, learning more about myself. By taking credit for what I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown, I gradually gained more pride in who I am.

I want to have this platform to be able to relate to readers of similar experiences or thoughts, giving them a sense of guidance and comfort. It’s always comforting to hear that you are not alone and that bad times will pass, especially when listening to someone else’s story. Everyone has someone that they look up to, whether it’s someone they are close to or someone famous. You could be a role model to someone and not even know it! This personally is one of the best feelings for me, to be able to connect with people through my words and being who I am.

I struggle with overwhelming thoughts every day, so blogging gives me an outlet to let loose and get my thoughts out. I find it a relief to be able to talk about things that are on my mind, and it helps that I’m basically just talking to myself and a screen. I don’t feel as much pressure and have the chance to think before I type. Due to my anxiety, I get overwhelmed easily and even randomly sometimes. When this happens, it tends to go in a downward spiral, making me feel like I’m a burden on myself and whoever I choose to vent to. Don’t get me wrong, I have supportive and caring friends who are willing to be there for me, I just can’t help but struggle with these internal thoughts.

Being able to express myself through writing, I’m improving my communication skills by being able to practice grammar styles and speak in an effective way. This blog helped develop my skills in my major, which is strategic communication. Although this blog is about myself and my life, I started to gear towards the emotions of my viewers by diving deeper into my thoughts and the impact of my experiences.

I wanted to take advantage of this class -- being able to start my own blog and being required to keep up with it, while learning strategies to effective blog posting. I learned more about advertising and consumer engagement, which will benefit me as I pursue my major in Public Relations in Strategic Communications.

I would like to continue keeping up with this blog after this class ends because it is something that has positively impacted me this semester. I know that I have a hard time keeping up with my responsibilities and overall myself, but I just have to keep reminding myself that this is what I want to do. I want to find peace with my thoughts and emotions through writing and I want to have an impact on my readers, who may or may not relate. Overall, I want to take these steps to be an inspiration and an overall role model for those who need guidance.

Self-Isolation

Being self-isolated can put a strain to some of our spirits. My boss called me the other day to check in on me. He said, "I know you like to run around and be social, so I'm worried all of this is killing your spirit." Honestly, I hadn't even thought of that because of how well I've been dealing with quarantine.

I think that it's very healthy and important to spend some time by yourself. We should all take advantage of this time and learn to enjoy our own company. It's so easy to get caught up with a busy lifestyle and have so many responsibilities, especially as a young adult. Trying to have our "shit together" 24/7 is just not realistic.

Coming from a big family, I'm always around at least 5 family members on a daily basis. This was before college at least, when I was never used to being alone. On top of that, being very outgoing and a workaholic, I'm constantly surrounded by and interacting with people. At a point in my life, I realized that I didn't have any time for myself, and that it was important! I was perfectly fine with my life, however spending time with myself would have been a nice refresher.

My first year at WSU, I finally got the experience to live on my own. Having it be my first year, I also had little to no friends to hangout with. I just had me and my phone, which of course is not healthy. I took advantage of my solidarity and spent that time enjoying just myself. It was a good change for me, however I realized I couldn't live like that forever. Being on my phone 24/7 and being so sucked into social media, I realized my mental state was declining. I built up anxiety and became depressed throughout this first year of college. But hey, who didn't have a hard first year of college?

My spirit is that of a butterfly, frankly, a social butterfly. I enjoy growing and bringing light into people's lives. Being by myself 24/7 definitely hindered my spirit. I kind of drove myself a little crazy.

2017 me, going crazy

My second year at WSU however, I decided to be more involved and meet more people. I was ready to make more changes. I joined organizations on campus that boosted my communication skills, such as KZUU Radio and Cable 8 TV Productions. I also started working as a bartender at the most popular bar in Pullman. These were very nerve-wrecking, but you have to step out of your comfort zone in order to grow! It ended up being worth it.

I had a good balance of me-time and people-time, since all of these people I met were fairly new to me. Because I was feeling like myself again, I already felt my mental state going back up. I also took the step to see a therapist, to face my problems rather than to sulk about it.

Now, it's my third year second semester, and we're all self-isolating. I've been spending my time building relationships, genuinely getting to know someone rather than in a superficial way. I realized that I was so caught up with having in-and-out "relationships," that I didn't care to have a real connection with someone. It is so different than what I'm used to -- avoiding emotions, which may have been a factor in my anxiety.

I do admit, at the beginning of quarantine, it was hard having to adjust having to online classes and staying at home 24/7.

I found myself making excuses to go outside, like taking out the trash or checking the mail. That whif of fresh air is much needed. I want to take advantage of this time of having a low amount of responsibility to read a book and work on myself. I need to have more of an excuse to go outside so that I can get more fresh air and not be so cooped up in my room, like working out or just sitting outside.

It's easy to get carried away and procrastinate with so much time in our hands. Getting up and actually doing things feels so good. It's weird that even homework or cleaning feels good because it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something.

I hope that although we're all going through difficult times right now due to COVID-19, that we also take advantage of this time to enjoy our own company. If you're with your family, build a closer connection with them and enjoy your living situation. Make the most of it and work on yourself, as by the time we get out of quarantine, we'll all basically have to start our life again.

Identity Crisis

IDENTITY CRISES... I have a lot of those. Humans are constantly changing, inside and out. We continue to grow, change, and maybe even become a whole different person at some point in our life. I feel like I've been through this change more times than I can keep track of. Because when time goes by and you're caught up with responsibilities and priorities -- Do you often stop to reflect on who you are and how far you've come? There are times when I stop to think, "I miss who I was before." This is when the angel on my shoulder shouts "STOP! You've come a long way. You've grown so much. Do not downplay that."

I loved who I was my first years of adulthood, which is what I'm referring to here. I was so naive and thought that I was on top of the world. I saw the good in everyone and everything. I forgave and offered chances more often than I should have. I was nice to every single person I encountered regardless of how they treated me and saw positivity throughout all of it. I was the most understanding I'd ever been in my life. I was so proud of myself for all of these traits.

At the same time though, I struggled with these traits, because of how people treated me. I couldn't help but to give more to people than they gave me, even if they didn't deserve it. I just felt like it was the right thing to do and I wasn't confident enough to think that I deserved more than what I received. This also resulted in me being a doormat to people -- a pushover and so easily manipulated. People saw this about me, so they took advantage. My naive little self thought that they would do the same things for me. I was more than happy to help people out. I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and it hurt me.

So.. if I'm putting it all this way, why do I miss who I was so much?

I'm not a pushover anymore and I'd like to think that I'm not naive anymore either. I'm not as understanding with people because I don't tolerate as much as I used to. My mindset has shifted in a way that protects me and my feelings.

I do miss how much I tried to understand people's behavior and give everyone a chance, but I was also not as sensitive as I am now. I used to be basically emotionless, ignoring my feelings and going on with life as if they didn't exist. It wasn't healthy, but it helped me get through the day. That's probably why I tolerated so much. Being a much more sensitive person now, it's a lot harder to put up with the same things that I used to.

Sometimes, I miss being emotionless. Having been heartbroken and betrayed time after time, it changed me. I just need to realize that every person goes through tough times and it's only human. I can't expect everything to be going good all the time, because there needs to be bad times in order to appreciate the good. It's sad when I compare myself to who I was before because I've grown so much, but to almost a whole new person, which is why I have this "identity crisis."

At the end of the day, everyone is their own person and has their own identity. It's okay that it constantly changes because people constantly change. The important thing to remember is if I'm on the path to being who I want to be and that in the end, I am me.

Put Yourself First

Everyone goes through that stage in their life where a crazy change happens, most often at around the age of 18. This is the coming into adulthood, when you’re trying to find yourself and figure out what to do with your life. When you turn 18, all of a sudden you have a new kind of freedom. Growing up in a strict, religious household, there were so many things that I wanted to do, but couldn’t. The only way I was allowed to do anything fun was lying to my mom and grandparents, telling them I was going to a youth group event, when in reality I was partying. I even went out of my way to create fake permission slips to make it seem like I was really at a church event. I just wanted to have fun like everyone else. Finally getting to experience life a new way was impactful enough to change who I was as a person in all.

At the age of 18, I realized I didn’t have the same religious views. I grew up Catholic and was in a youth group (the Vietnamese Eucharistic Youth Movement) almost all my life. Youth group was the most important part of my life for a really long time. This is because it was the first environment and community that I felt accepted in. I loved it so much, that I became a youth group leader after a couple years of training and full dedication. I felt like this was my first real accomplishment in life, something that I worked so hard for. What changed everything was the realization that my beliefs didn’t match up with the Catholic church anymore… It was so hard to accept and I didn’t want to believe it.

Red scarf = Youth group leader!

My best friend at the time was a strong atheist and always pushed his views on me. We got into so many arguments about religion to the point where we’d stop talking and have to sit in a silent car ride the rest of the time to or from school. His name is Phillip Nguyen, a person who changed my life and the way I see the world. We hung out almost every single day for over three years. We were also neighbors, so it was hard not to see each other so often. It was hard getting into these heated debates, because I started to realize that I had the same beliefs as him. I just didn’t want to face it because of my love for youth group. He was the person who helped me realize that I had full control over my own life. He convinced me that I needed to put what I wanted over what my family wanted out of me.

Both me and Phillip came from strict and religious families that hindered what we wanted to do in life. Being 18 and naive, we both decided to rebel together -- doing things our families didn’t approve of, but not caring because we wanted to live for ourselves and not them. Of course this caused problems in our families because we were both pushing our boundaries with them. This caused us to grow closer together but further away from our families. Phillip’s parents wanted him to go to a university and get a good paying job. Phillip however, has always dreamt of becoming a rapper, something that he knew he had talent in.

We graduated high school and CC together!

Fast forward, we’re both at the age of 22 and he is completely pursuing his dreams. It took a lot of sacrifice because his parents didn’t believe in his dreams of becoming a rapper. They did everything they could to convince him otherwise. But seeing the dedication that he has put into his dreams, they have finally opened up the idea after about five years. Phillip’s rap name is now Wesly, and it’s the name that his friends call him. “Rarely anyone calls me Phillip anymore,” said Wesly. I still call him Phillip though.. That’s the version of him that I know.

Phillip is someone that has inspired me in life and taught me how to be ambitious and passionate. In high school, I had no ambition, no motive, nothing. My goal at the time was to be a teacher and live in an apartment with a little dog. His goals were way different since he wanted to become a rapper. This caused us to have our first falling out, senior year of high school. He didn’t want to be around me anymore because I was such a bad influence to him -- not caring about school and not wanting to. He taught and showed me that there is more to life than what I wanted.

Phillip and I have been friends since we were 14. We’ve seen each other grow and we’ve seen each other fall. We were not friends the full time, as we grew apart three separate times. Each of these times was for the benefit of both of us. Going back to “Put Yourself First,” we both needed to grow apart until we were ready to have each other in our lives again. Before yesterday, me and him haven’t talked for over a year and a half. The person he was before was in a deep and dark place. Now, it’s the complete opposite. So much has happened to help him grow as a person and a rapper.

He spent the last year focusing on himself and his future. “Investing time and energy into myself instead of someone else, no one can take away the knowledge that I learned and the songs that I finished, and that feeling is amazing,” said Wesly. “Rapping and singing is like breathing to me now.” It’s definitely hard to pursue your dreams when other people are telling you it’s not going to happen, but because Wesly never stopped believing in himself, he’s getting to where he needs to be, one step at a time.

I am forever grateful that I’m able to be myself and do what I want for myself. It’s important to have a good relationship with your family, so it can be hard to make these sacrifices. However, after a certain point of rebelling so often, they just get used to it. Because I continuously rebelled for years, my family has learned that no matter if I go out and do the things that I want, at the end of the day I can take care of myself. You can’t depend on your family to make choices for you, because only you know what you truly want. And in the end, it will be worth it.

Becoming a Butterfly

Being a college student, time management is especially difficult. More so if you have a job, extracurricular activities, a social life, or all of the above. College can be stressful due to the competitive environment around your peers. It may not seem this way, but your classmates are the people that you have to compete with when it comes to finding a job. I honestly never see school as a competition, but at the end of the day, that's what it is. Out of all the people who are in the same major as you, going for the same kind of job.. what makes you stand out?


Going into my major of communications, my advisor told me that to stand out, I need to do more than just school. What would make me stand out is all the extra experience I have on top of my education. This includes extracurricular activities, internships, job experience, etc. Employers more often like to see that you are more than just a degree. This is what I like to think at least, to motivate me and push me to work harder.

I was never a good student in high school or ever at all before attending WSU. I had bad study habits and was the worst at prioritizing school. That was until I started practicing my study habits and after getting into my major, actually being interested in what I was learning. Since I couldn't rely on good grades to set me apart from my classmates, I knew that I needed to gain more experience that would make me good at what I want to do.

I took on every opportunity that I could find to build my experience. Although I have anxiety and get super nervous doing new things, I eventually got over my fears and got better at what I was doing. Examples include becoming a radio DJ for KZUU and actor for Cable 8 Productions. I never would have thought I’d be able to overcome my shyness.

In high school, I was that super shy and quiet girl who only talked to people if they talked to her. Even then, I was always really nervous talking to people who weren’t my friends. After high school, I went through a complete transformation. I was always sheltered growing up, so when I turned 18, I decided to rebel. As a naive 18-year-old, I saw myself as an adult, who had the legal right to make my own decisions and do what I want. This of course caused problems in my life, but I felt that it was right for me to build myself, my own way.

I became a lot more social and a lot less shy. When I was 19, I became a waitress, someone who had to talk to all sorts of people constantly while juggling the responsibilities of being a server. I did this to build my experience all around. Being a server takes a lot having to deal with people and maintaining the restaurant, building my multi-tasking skills and people skills.

Photos of me working at my first restaurant job!

My first year at WSU, I was 20. As an Asian-American student going into a highly caucasian populated school, I was extremely self conscious. This took a turn on my life from becoming a social butterfly in a short amount of time back to my anxious, nervous self. It was a huge culture shock and having to actually be an adult, taking care of myself, was new to me.

Two years passed and WSU has become my home. I went back to my social butterfly self and continued to build my experience more and more. Being involved with my extracurricular activities was the best decision that I’ve made. Although it was a huge step to join and start being a radio DJ and actor in the first place, I’ve built so much experience, no matter if I’m good at it or not. I’ve become way more confident and have a wide network. I’m only getting better from here! Not only is this good for my mental health, it is leading me down my path to success.

Intro

Hello and welcome to my blog! I'm super excited to share with you guys my life. I'm planning to share my personal interests and experiences that help me grow as a person. I want to share what I do with my life and how it correlates with my future as I am a college student at WSU.

I don't have any exact way of describing myself, but I know that I'm ambitious. My friend has said about me, "Any opportunity Emily gets, she takes it." It's true! I want to live my life to the fullest, and as cliche as that sounds, I'm doing everything I can to benefit my life.

I'm a very busy person and by busy, I'm including the time I take out of my day to watch Netflix or hang out with my friends, on top of my responsibilities. It's called self care, and I have a tattoo on my arms that says it too.

I mainly got the tattoo for Mac Miller, because that's the name of the song he released before he passed... RIP a legend. But it's also a reminder for me and the people around me.

I do what I'm supposed to do but I make sure that I'm happy and living for myself. I take care of my cat, cook, do homework, call my family, and upload content to put on the radio daily. That is my job as a Program Director for KZUU 90.7 FM.

Tune in sometime! E-Milli's EDM Show is every Sunday 8-10pm ☺

I'm also involved with Cable 8 TV Productions and LUXE Magazine on campus. I recently auditioned for Cable 8 and got the part of a show host for Cable 8 Behind the Scenes. That will be exciting because I've never done something like that before!

LUXE Magazine is a fashion magazine at WSU for the Apparel and Merchandising Department. I consider myself a stylist and model for LUXE. I do wish I knew how to make clothes.. but that's for when I have more time.

Photo from LUXE Magazine Fall 2019

I work at Stubblefield's Bar & Grill part time, which if you didn't know is the most active bar in Pullman! You might see me there sometime. I'm also currently in training to be a salesperson for Alta Pest Control, which is my summer internship.

These are all things that I will be talking about in this blog and how they all relate to who I am and what it can do for my future.

What I hope to get out of this blog is to take the time and reflect on who I am and what I'm doing with my life. Is it worth it? Is it the right thing to do? Here you will experience this journey with me. Be my friend!

Someone that I look up to when it comes to blogging is Tana Mongeau. Tana Mongeau is an internet star, who started out making YouTube videos just talking about her life experiences. She has some unique stories and the way she talks about it makes it much more interesting.

A lot of my friends have said that I should do the same thing. I did try making YouTube videos in the past, however it's so difficult to keep up with! Hopefully, I will be able to get back into it.

My biggest inspiration is an electronic DJ, named Sky Sky. She's not as well-known, but I do think she deserves to be. Sky Sky inspires me because she has so many hobbies, like modeling, acting, and pole dancing. On top of all that, she has the best fashion I've ever seen.

Being able to create and live with your passions is a dream come true. I would love to work with either fashion or music as a career.

As for my purpose, I aspire to be an inspiration for people. I love being able to make an impact on people for the better. I admire people who use their platforms for the better good and to inspire others to be a good person.

It sounds so simple, but it takes a lot to have a face on the internet. It's 2020, so social media is important and can be used for anything. What I hope to get out of it is to connect with people and ultimately, be an inspiration.

About Me

Hi! My name is Emily and I am from Kent, WA. I am currently a student at WSU in Pullman, WA studying Communications. I originally came to WSU to study Early Childhood Education, but switched to Public Relations in Strategic Communications when I realized that I want to do more than be limited to one job. I still have the same passion to teach as I did before, but with my current major, I will be able to apply it to more skill sets. I want to be a teacher in my way of living and have a career that I can build and progress the more I grow older.

I hope to gain as much communication skills and experience as possible during my time at WSU. So, I am involved with extracurriculars such as KZUU Radio Station, Cable 8 Productions, and LUXE Fashion Magazine. I try to be involved with as many activities as I can handle. Currently, I am a program director for KZUU, a show host for Cable 8, and a model and stylist for LUXE. In the past, I was a promoter for USC Events and youth group leader for a Vietnamese Catholic organization called TNTT.

My work ethic is often of a perfectionist, as I aim to do the best I can whenever I can. I try to work as much as possible, and to always keep myself busy. I enjoy jobs where I’m able to talk to people a lot and build my skills all around. For example, being a waitress.

My motto in life is, “Work hard, play hard.” This motivates me to work hard and then reward myself, hard. I think it is very important to balance life with both having responsibilities and fun. I try to spend all my free time with myself, family, and friends as these are all people who make me happy. 

My hobbies include exploring music, shopping, and cooking. I also love spending time with my family, friends, and my cat Mango. I’m the oldest of many siblings and little cousins, so my house is always active. I have three little sisters, ages: 15, 5 and 1. Since I am the oldest, I try my best to be a role model for all my younger siblings as well as other people around me.